The 366th Day

Happy Leap Day everyone. To anyone whose birthday might be today, you lucky duck, you're much younger than the rest of us.

Speaking of young and old. I turn 21 next week. How odd. In Mormon world this means nothing except that I am approaching old maidishness. (Yes, in Mormon world you're an old maid at 23. Or at least it seems that way).

I think 21 is going to be a much better age for me than 20 was. I have a feeling good though perhaps less dynamic things are going to happen in the coming year. And I'm alright with that.

Work was deathly slow today, so I started searching for a new show or movie to get interested in online, and I stumbled across Gossip Girl. I bought the first book in the series when I was in high school but then never read it. I don't think I would have enjoyed the books as much, but I'm really enjoying the show. It's completely soap opera-ish, sort of in the vein of One Tree Hill but less weird. At the moment though it's serving as a good distraction from my own troubles.

Unless I spend the remainder of the evening watching that, I might switch it out for La Vie En Rose, which I picked up at Blockbuster a couple days ago. I've heard great things about this movie, and it'll be a good chance to brush up on my French a bit.

So anyway, off to more couch potato-ness.

Happines causes happiness causes happiness causes happiness

Alright. My mom just had me watch The Secret. I had a therapist over a year ago who told me to watch this and I never did, mostly because it wasn't available to me at the time, and once it was, I'd heard it was super corny so had no interest.

Alas! It is super corny. However! It's also very interesting and sort of builds on a lot of the things I think already - mainly that our thoughts create our world and that what we think is what we do/become. When we focus on the negative, more negativity flows our way. When things feel crappy, it seems they always have been and always will be and so things generally are. But when we feel happy, we focus on things that are good and feel nothing is out of our reach, and so those good things come to us because we prepare for them, reach for them, and are open to receiving them.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I'm going to give this whole asking the universe or "ordering from the universal catalog" thing a try. And I'm going to try to do it without any apprehension or irony. We'll see how it goes.

Other than that today was... alright actually. I had an appointment with my therapist and when I left I felt a lot more at peace with things. I think everyone needs a therapist. I'm pretty sure the state of the world would be at least 15 times better if everyone did.

And no, you don't have to be a nutcase to have one. I'm not. Far as I know.... :P

Plus and minus

Through the entirety of Project Runway Season 4, I have hated on Rami time and time again. But even I have to admit, I'm glad he made it to Bryant Park instead of Chris. Using human hair for clothing - while I admit it looked chic - is just... gross...

I'm a little nervous for my boy Christian, but I'm really excited to see what he and Jillian will be pulling out on the runway.

And I have a major girl crush on Heidi Klum. Seriously.

On the topic of me (that's what you're all here for right?), depression = two thumbs down. And rain to top it off is just miserable. I promise I'll get less whiny as time goes on. It feels like an eternity since Saturday and yet it's only been 4 days. I said Monday or Tuesday that I just have to take it one day at a time, and my mom responded, "And probably even an hour at a time more often." So true. Well, there's an hour left of today and I think I'll try to sleep through it and a few of tomorrow's hours as well.

I am thankful for sleep, for the increasing hours of daylight in the day and that our elliptical machine is set up so I can run on it while watching the fabulosity that is Project Runway.

With that, goodnight.

Pianos, bells and whispered voices

Tonight I've listened to a couple of tracks by a band called Au Revoir Simone. I swear I've heard of them before so I'm really surprised this is the first listen I've had. They remind me of Azure Ray/Maria Taylor. It's really lovely. Anyway, if anyone has more of their music (I have two tracks only), maybe you'd be up for a trade or a pass along?

I feel... so so today. Mostly I just miss Brandon like crazy. Sigh.

I'm going to watch a movie.

Distractions

I don't know if it's post Valentine's day blues or something in the air, but apparently this weekend 'twas the season to be dumped by those of us at work, or at least those close to us. Shonna's daughter who is almost scarily similar to me in personality had her boyfriend leave her for another girl he'd been seeing for a little while already. Taryn's boyfriend apparently broke it off with her, and of course there is me. Shonna and my mom were full of advice for us, which was nice. Taryn and I joked we should get some comfort food and movies in there.

In all seriousness though it's been a rough few days, for me as well as these other girls. Life is just too complicated sometimes. I want things to be simple for a while. I'm staying far far away from the dating scene. It's not worth the heartbreak right now. That and I am not even close to being over this. I just want to focus on church and school and work for a little while.

I must say, I've really come to appreciate my friends and my family even more this past weekend. Everyone has been really supportive, and I appreciate that more than they can probably even know.

Anyway, drama drama drama right?

To keep my mind off things I've been playing Sims 2: Castaway on the DS. I love it. It fulfills my need for plot as well as my love for all things Sim related in one sweet little game.

Oh, and in the vein of movies:

1) Dancer in the Dark is by far the saddest movie I have ever seen in my entire life. And this includes Pan's Labyrinth, at the end of which I was sobbing. However, it is also deeply moving and positive in it's example to mankind. The music and cinematography are well done and add a surreal yet horrific element to the things happening. In that way it reminds me of the literary genre magical realism. I have to stop thinking about this movie though. I'll end up in tears again. So on to

2) Ratatouille. Alright, I know I'm behind the times. I didn't get to see this in the theaters and I only just got to watch it while I was in California, but I seriously loved this movie. I mean I've liked some Pixar movies in the past, but I love love love this movie. So much of it looks real! And delicious! The story line is cute and plays up on my love of all things miniature. And of course all the characters are enjoyable and creative. Well done Disney and Pixar. Well done!

3) For my birthday Brandon gave me a DVD called Rivers and Tides about the sculptor Andy Goldsworthy. The documentary was artistic in its plot, cinematography, and most certainly it's music. And that's not even talking about Goldsworthy's art! The way he connects to the earth is intriguing and almost magical. Highly recommended if you even remotely enjoy documentaries.

Well with that little update, I think I'm off. Until next time friends.

Break ups and break downs

Life has a way of pulling the rug out from under my feet. Sometimes I simply lose my balance, sometimes I fall down, and sometimes I smack my head on the concrete.

This weekend I am in the third of those categories.

I came home from rainy California two days early, unexpectedly and confusedly single.

All I can do is try to stay positive and continue moving forward. Though honestly I just want to curl up in my bed in a puddle of tears, never to be seen again.

Sometimes there are things I just don't understand.

The final countdown

I am the world's worst packer. It's almost 10 and I'm barely finishing my laundry now. Yahoooo!

So Brandie, who I work with, is also flying to California tomorrow, but she is leaving on a cruise to Mexico. She will also be gone for 10 days. So basically we are taking the exact same days off. And ironically, we were the two closing the shop tonight. Every 5 minutes one of us would yell out either "what?? It's only -:--?? This afternoon will never end!" or else "Hey, guess what!? We're leaving tomorrow!" The 3 to 6 o'clock stretch was basically an eternity.

But! It is finally almost here! In 13 hours I will be in the car with Brandon off to whatever he decides to show me first. I can't wait!

Anyway, I'd better be off to finish packing.

I probably won't have time/access to post anything while I'm gone. But if I get a chance, I'll send a quickie of an update.

Have an excellent 10 days my friends!

Listen to good music, read good books, see good movies.

Oh, and P.S. Project Runway update - Christian and Jillian both made it to the final three. Thank heavens. I cannot wait to see what they come up with. This might be the best PR season finale yet!

Central Coast Cali, here I come! (Please don't rain on me) countdown: 12.5 hours. Yessssssss

Professor Layton and the never ending trial of my patience

Sorry about the cussing, but ahahaha, I can't stop laughing over this comic! Because even though I'm enjoying playing this game, this is sooo truuuue. Hahaha

It has been a wonderful Valentine's Day thus far. Brandon is clever and wonderful. Every couple of hours I get an email with a message and a photo attached. The photo is of random areas or things around his house, and hidden within the photo is a heart. My job is to find the heart. This was the hardest one so far. You'll have to make it bigger to find it.

Today is my one day of the year to enjoy really terrible yet some how delicious store brand sugar cookies covered in sprinkles. Every year I look forward to these. I generally only eat them on either Valentine's Day or St. Patrick's Day. Once in a while I'll buy the flag ones on the 4th of July. They're crunchy and sweet and turn my fingers pink. Yum yum.

I'm going to start my packing tonight between watching the latest Tivo'd episode of Project Runway and solving riddles with the help of Professor Layton, Luke and their horrid British accents. Good times!

Happy Valentine's Day!

100,000 Thoughts

Quirky music suggestion of the day: Tap Tap. Great, wacky Brit pop.

Today was a bit weird. I could not sleep to save my life last night. My mind was just wandering all over the place and my stomach hurt a bit. Being tired had me a little off kilter today I suppose. Overall I was in a good mood though. And I got my arms waxed today haha. That sounds so weird, but let me just say, hair free is the way to be. I think I should become an esthetician. That would be fun.

Less than 72 hours until I'm in California. Thank goodness. I cannot wait to see Brandon!

Well I think I'll try to get some sleep now. I'm hoping for the best.

May you live every day of your life

I think maybe just maybe I am becoming a video game junkie.

Well, ok, that's an overstatement. Because I don't play them all the time. But I do like them a lot now and then. I bought a few Nintendo DS games tonight to take with me to California next week. I got this one mystery game I'm pretty excited about called Professor Layton and the Curious Village and a version of Sims 2. The mystery one is a series of brainteasers and such. Should be fun.

I cannot wait to leave on Saturday. I love love love traveling. I like the anticipation of it. The shopping, the packing, the driving, the flying, the meeting up, all of it. And then the fact that I get to just do nothing except whatever Brandon and I feel like doing for almost 10 days is fantastic. I love vacations!

I'm listening to A Hawk and a Hacksaw tonight. For anyone who likes Beirut, I really recommend them. They're kind of similar. And I think Zach Condon even helped on it. But its the drummer from Neutral Milk Hotel and a violinist and it's got that gypsy feel to it that's so fun to listen to.

I spy with my little eye something... green.

I am tired.

Here are some I Spy's for you to enjoy instead of my usual rambling. Click on them to make them at least a little bigger. Have fun!

I want to dream in 50,000 colors when I'm dead

I have been waxing nostalgic about the most random things tonight! I started thinking about them as I cut my bangs and then I just started recalling one odd item after another. In conjunction with listening to Snakes Say Hisss! it managed to get me out of my annoyed mood and into one that's a bit silly. So here are some of the things I thought about:

This would be the fire hydrant plant holder I got for my 16th birthday. I walked into English and there it was, sitting on my desk. Thank you Danual. I still love it.

Also around one of my birthdays, last March I was in Utah visiting Katy and we stopped by the Moore's house in Salt Lake one night. And on the wall was a poster I think John-Ross had put up. It was a cheap copy of Vincent VanGogh's Starry Night, and on it in big white letters were the words "I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ART." And it so absolutely summed up my feelings on that painting and the people who claim it as their "favorite painting ever" that I just had to laugh.

I remembered also a video game I used to play on the computer. It was called The Neverhood. And I guess it has a bit of a cult following nowadays. It was all done with claymation. The game was a bit like Myst but sooo much quirkier and better. And the music in it was amazing.

Does anyone remember the movie Grandpa's Magical Toy Shop? or King Cole's Party? or perhaps Wee Sing Together (also known as Sally's Birthday Party)? These were all the Wee Sing movies my grandma used to have us watch. They were all so.... tacky haha. It was like Barney, but trippier. And more annoying. But we watched them all time. Those were good times. Especially Grandpa's Magical Toy Shop, with Punchanello.

And one that's a lot more recent: I was talking about mushrooms to Brandon and the fact that I've really only tried the common mushrooms you can get at a grocery store. And he piped up with "Oh you mean the Agaricus Bisporus?" And I just started laughing so hard. Probably one of the things I love the most about Brandon is that he knows the Latin names for a ton of different mushrooms. And he's been to fungus fairs. I love it. Oh my gosh, I love it!

Life is all about enjoying the little things. And boy do I. There are so many small moments in life that are hilarious and random and I just love every one of them.

Ups and downs, bigs and littles, longs and shorts

I feel so annoyed today. My word.

And I am taking it out as a grammar Nazi! It really bothers me when people write "feelin" and "doin" and "goin" and all other -ing words without the -g. It sounds so uneducated. Also, it bothers me when people write "then" instead of "than." Oh man and I saw someone spell Jamaica as Jamacia over and over and over the other day. It just never ends. What is wrong with our schools??

Sigh.

So anyway. Stake conference today. We had one session instead of two so I had to park a block away at a different church because there was no parking to be found. Elder Nelson was supposed to come but he got a new assignment at the last minute so our Area Seventy spoke instead. The meeting was pretty good. It focused on missionary work mostly. Being a good example. That kind of thing.

I made peanut butter heath bar cookies for my family this afternoon. They are yummy.

Man I wish I was in California right now. Sadly I'm going to have to wait another 138.5 hours. At least it's relatively soon now. Then it's 9 days of vacation. Aaah.

Hansel and Gretel meet Soylent Green

I had the weirdest dream last night. It was almost exactly like Hansel and Gretel. Which is weird because I haven't exactly thought about that story in... years?

Anyway, I was wandering through the forest with someone else and we were lost. We came upon a clearing that had very green grass and tall pine trees surrounding it. In the center was a rather large sized, restaurant looking building made entirely out of very bright colored candy. And next to the building were tables, also made out of candy, with strange looking adults sitting at them. The people had oddly large, vacant eyes and they were eating hamburgers. And we knew instinctively that the hamburgers were made from ground up humans.

Somehow we ended up inside the building with a large group of other young people. There were two counselor type people at the front of the candy constructed room with clip boards. Our large group was doing something like calisthenics and the counselors were making sure we were doing everything right. We knew that if we did something wrong, our names would be taken to the big wigs upstairs, and we'd be next in line at the grinding machine, to be made into hamburgers. Needless to say I and my partner pushed the limits of the rules, but despite warnings, our names were never actually taken down and we realized none of us had ever actually seen someone made into hamburger. But we were still afraid. And the food they gave us to eat we knew for sure was made out of humans.

More happened, but that's all I can remember clearly.

How morbid though, eh? Nazi-type cannibalism within Hansel and Gretel. Very strange indeed.

The Age of Innocence is sadly at work, so instead I started Mrs. Dalloway tonight and will have to continue the other on Monday. But I'm enjoying Mrs. Dalloway so far. More than I did the last time I tried to read it actually. I think before I didn't have the focus for it, and Woolf's sentences are so long and complicated at times that between the beginning and end of one, I'd completely forgotten the original topic. This time though I like the sense of fluidity in it. The connectedness and yet the aloneness and the way everyone shares experiences and yet sees them separately, all at the same time. A teacher once said it's almost like it's happening in real-time.

I finished Crimson Skies today, haha. It's not very long. Well, that and I started it half way through because I picked up where I'd left off the last time I played it. This is maybe the second time I have ever finished a video game. Well other than Super Mario Bros maybe. But yeah. Kind of silly.

Also did some crocheting. I'm up to 6.5 plus another half I started and then my mom finished. I figured out today if I do double crochet stitches instead of just single, it actually goes way faster, so I'm going to try doing that from now on.

And in election news, Obama took Washington. Yay! The gap is closing and I have high hopes for him taking Clinton out. That would be good news.

I officially have less than a week until I am in California now. Poor B is sick as a dog this week. I really hope he feels better soon. I guess it's going around down there. No fun.

Well, that's my update. Off to bed. And I hope the human hamburgers are no where in the vicinity of tonight's dreams.

It's not a waste of time if you're enjoying yourself (my rationalization)

I haven't played video games in ages. But tonight I got the bug. The video game bug. So, I dug around in my brother's closet and fished out his old XBox games. Luckily he still had my favorite - Crimson Skies. It was so much fun to play for a while! I really wish I could play Mario 64. I think I'm going to ask my dad if I can have their old N64 and all the games. Ooo and the Legend of Zelda... I forgot... hah

I'm further in The Age of Innocence today. I'm starting to really like it. It could so far be described as a comedy of manners I think. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it. If I continue to like it, I think I'll read The House of Mirth next. Also by Edith Wharton. I've heard The Age of Innocence called Wharton's "apology" after The House of Mirth. She must have been incredibly hard on New York society in that one if this is her apology!

Democratic caucuses are tomorrow in Washington State. Exciting. I'm really hoping for Obama. I found out today that the Democratic primary here means nothing. As in not a single one of the delegates is chosen through the primary. All of them are allocated through the caucuses. What a waste of ballots! Seems a little bait and switch if you ask me. People think they're doing something good and all they're doing is wasting a piece of paper by voting. Dumb.

The republicans allocate 49% of their delegates during the caucus, then 51% at the primary. That seems fair. And at least our ballots count for something! Sheesh.

Maybe tomorrow will give us a clearer picture of the Democratic race. I hope that picture doesn't include Hilary Clinton. Time will tell... I hope...

The rich get richer and the poor get - children

The stimulus bill passed the Senate! Yeeeessssss! What does this mean? This means that because I made between $3,000 and $75,000 last year, I will in fact be getting a $300-$600 rebate check in the mail some time after April.

Aaah, I can't wait. (Says the girl who's been complaining about the $3.1 trillion Bush's administration asked for last week for the 2008 budget. Hah)

Romney is out. It was bound to happen after Tuesday's turn out. Which means I will now be focusing intently on the Democratic primaries. I wish I could go see Obama speak in Seattle tomorrow, but alas and alack, I have work.

I finished The Great Gatsby today. Loved it. I like the symbolism, and I feel there is a lot to be taken from it about the wealth worship and immorality that is explicit in today's society. I've just started The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. I'm not far enough into it to say how I feel, but as always I'm hoping for the best.

Days until California: 9

Love and Mathematics

Smoked Gouda: Okish. It was cheese. It tasted a little like ham mixed with cheese.

Republican Race: Ick. I may end up voting for a Dem. Sigh.

The fact that I have Brandon obsessing over the very same pattern of triangles I've obsessed over for about 6 years: Hilarious. Draw a square, now put an X through it (connecting the corners) and then draw a triangle on each of the four sides of the square. Now try to trace that shape without picking up your pencil or retracing any of the lines. Yeah, it's impossible. And I've been trying to come up with either a way that it is possible or a reason, mathematically, why it is not possible, since I was probably about 12 years old.

The Tower of Hanoi: Interesting. I figured out the pattern and I've been amusing myself with it for the past fifteen minutes. I haven't tried past 5 discs.

The Great Gatsby: Loving it. I started it earlier today and I'm nearly finished. I'd forgotten how much I love hearing about the Jazz Age. And I like Fitzgerald's tone.

Crochet squares completed: 5.5

Days until I leave for California: 10

Biggest geek ever

Ok, really, this is getting ridiculous. I've been refreshing CNN.com all afternoon just waiting for the voting results to come in. My idea of a great night tonight is getting some snacks and hunkering down to watch CNN bring me the results in real time!

I'm a bit tiffed about the McCain/Huckabee scandal in West Viriginia because lets face it, anyone who thinks they're going to be able to support the war in Iraq without the IRS collecting our taxes is a little nuts, and I don't think he's got even a small chance of winning the primary or, if by a miracle he does, the national vote. So to have Huckabee still in the race is a joke and obviously a ploy with McCain to split the GOP votes and keep Romney from winning. Dirty dirty politics.

Aaaaagh, I am completely obsessed! This is worse than in 8th grade when I made my mom swear she'd wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me who'd won the 2000 Presidential election (she did not, however, wake me up, because we didn't know who was president for... how many months? Thanks Al Gore...)

Ok, on a completely different topic, I have been told that my gateway cheese should be Smoked Gouda. I'm going to give it a try tonight.

Alright, well, that's enough rambling from me. I might post a rant later when I hear Romney hasn't won and psycho McCain is the GOP front runner... or heaven forbid Huckabee...

I think I'm probably going to end up voting for Obama after all . Sigh.

Death and taxes minus the death part

I voted! Well, tomorrow once I've got it stamped and in the mail I will officially have voted I suppose, but the important thing is that I was able to vote. I didn't know if I'd registered in time to even get an absentee ballot, but I did! And I got it today! I've filled it out and it's ready to be sent. The great thing about not being registered to a party is that I could choose which ballot to vote from. I feel so empowered haha!

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday. I hope all of you in states where primaries are taking place will find a local polling station and voice your opinion for either the Democrats or the Republicans.

Also in a spirit of supporting my government (or maybe just feeling screwed by them, either way) I filed my tax return today. I'll at least be getting some money back, though a small amount in comparison to what I paid. Buuut I guess that's the price of living in America.

Go America. Wooh. Yeah.

Polar opposites

I didn't watch the Super Bowl, no.

I did however watch a rerun of the California Democratic debate. Also I found out the Washington Primaries are actually Open, which means even though I'm registered to "no party" I could potentially vote for a candidate from any party. I won't be in Washington that day though, so it doesn't help much. Sigh.

I think I've decided that if it comes down to McCain and Clinton, I'm just not voting. I hate them both. If it comes down to Obama and McCain, Obama it is. If it comes down to Romney and anyone else, Romney it is. I'm really hoping Romney makes it. I wish Tuesday was over already.

I feel out of sorts today to be perfectly honest. I'm worried about too many things that I just shouldn't be worrying about.

I did enjoy Sunday School today though. Brother Young is an awesome teacher. He's interactive and funny, but most of all, he knows his stuff. He's a professional seminary teacher so he knows a lot about the history as well as the doctrine of the Gospel. I feel like I learn a ton every week.

Of course the rest of church was dedicated to President Hinckley. It's been really great learning more about him the past few days. I watched his funeral yesterday. He was such a great man and I just see he and his wife as such a wonderful example. I love that one of their children said Sister Hinckley "just thought he was the sun, the moon and the stars." Adorable. I hope I achieve something that perfect and joyous in my lifetime.

There really are some wonderful people in this world.

Addendum (11:38 pm) - I just want to say that there is no better feeling in the entire world than peace that comes from the Lord. There is absolutely nothing like it.

I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine

I just finished Andrew Bird's Armchair Apocrypha on vinyl and now I'm listening to Bright Eyes' Fever and Mirrors from my Bright Eyes box set while I cut out pictures from magazines for my collage collection. Calendar Hung Itself just came on. Love. Love love love.

Listening to Andrew Bird reminded me of when I saw him play at Bumbershoot in September. Probably one of the most magical shows I have ever been to. The sun was down, the stage was set against the Space Needle, all lit up and glorious. The sky was clear and Andrew's whistling was beautiful. I wanted to stay there forever.

I slept more than half of the day today. I'm not sure why. It's possible I'm getting sick, but I really hope that's not the case.

I went to see 27 Dresses tonight with my mom. It was charmingly cliche. Definitely enjoyable.

Well I think I'll get back to magazine clipping or else go back to sleep (not at the same time though, I promise. Scissors and sleeping don't go together).

Crochet squares done: 4.5

Days until California: 14

Map jumping

Watching Finding Nemo makes me want to be back in Australia.

True story.

Current music: Avey Tare and Kria Brekkan - Pullhair Rubeye. This album was recorded as a lovely folk album by Avey Tare of Animal Collective and Kria Brekkan formerly of Mum. They reversed the entire album before releasing it. I have it both forward and backward and love it both ways. It's so crazy amazing.

I've been reading the full transcript of the latest Democratic debate today. I'm so undecided it's not even funny.

I'll be reading the Republican one tomorrow probably.

All I know is that John McCain seems bi-polar, Hilary is scary, Obama is a calmer version of Hilary and Romney changed his mind on abortion. So we'll just have to wait and see where I land on that whole dilemma. Because my vote totally counts in this blue state.

And here's the thing, other than higher taxes for rich people (which is going to happen anyway once Bush's tax cut expires), I can't see yet why we wouldn't want universal health care... but maybe I'm just missing something. Maybe I should move to Sweden.

I'm going to be in California in 15 days! I don't even care if it rains on me now, I'm just really excited to see Brandon.