Thursday, December 24, 2009

Just listen to Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.

I'm going to bitch/whine for a minute. Because I'm grumpy and grinchy and bah-humbuggy and because I've decided I can. And if you feel like I'm being mean to you because you've done exactly what I'm talking about - either to me or to someone else you know - well, suck it up and take it like a man. No need for pouting, just try to shape up so that next year you don't end up with a lump of coal that looks eerily like a long lost friendship.

Why do people think that because I'm single and home alone this holiday that the only thing I could possibly feel like doing is picking up their slack?* Is it because I've made grand gestures about wishing, more than anything else, that this holiday I'd be able to do the same crap I do every other day of the year? (Namely taking care of people's pets, clothes, dishes, appointments, hair, groceries, etc. etc.) Because if so, someone should have woken me - I was obviously talking through a deep slumber that somehow transfered me into your own dream world.

Because honestly, the very last thing I want to do on my little lonely Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, is take care of all the little things you either didn't have time to do, forgot about, or just planned out very poorly. I don't want to clean up after your animal. I don't want to do your dishes. I don't want to babysit. I don't want to rearrange my schedule because earlier or later or now or anytime OTHER than the one I requested works better for your wife or wait your brother, oh actually your sister-in-law, no, now your cousin. I don't want to dig through your piles of crap to find something you forgot to arrange beforehand. I don't want to deal with things you've left at my house because you were too lazy or just forgot to take them with you and now you just don't feel like picking them up. I don't want to do your errands for you. I don't want to take over your responsibilities just because YOU want a break and I obviously don't need one for whatever reason you've justified in your me-centered brain this Christmas.

I do all those things listed above the other 363 days of the year. Really. If you don't believe me, let me leave for a week while you continue to come over to my house and make messes and announce your usual requests and not clean up after yourself, or anyone else for that matter, and we'll see where it lands you. I promise, it won't be a pretty site.

I have the next week and - almost - a half off. And I better not get one single request from anyone. Talk to Adam. If he says he'll do it, then fine, but don't ask me. Because I won't. For the next 11 months, I will be attending school and work each week a total of 70 hours combined. After the new year, I'll get back to dealing with all the crap you're too self centered and blind to deal with yourself. But for now, I just want to enjoy my one last week off in peace because I obviously didn't get a Christmas Eve or Christmas break in the meantime.

*As a side note, I do realize that my worst enemy in this scenario is myself. Because I'm so absolutely terrible at saying no, and because I thought that somehow, magically, everyone's requests would simply stop for the holidays since so few people are (or were supposed to be) in town. I was sorely mistaken. I severely overlooked people's ability to text, IM and call in requests from hundreds of miles away. And my inability to say no has landed me here, busy with other people's problems on my two most cherished days of the year**. Next year, I'M going out of town. Somewhere without cell phone reception. And I'm putting my house on lock down so that no one, and I mean NO ONE, can leave me a big mess to come back to.

**And as another side note, I'm really sad that my favorite holiday and two favorite days are so miserable this year. I didn't even have enough money to get a tree and hang my decorations. If I'd had even a little bit extra, I'd have gotten one and wrapped a few things I wanted this year for myself just to have something to wake up to tomorrow. As it is, I have nothing to put in my stocking, no tree with lights to look at while sitting in the warm dark, no special Christmas breakfast, not even cards from my family to open. And it would have been ok, really it would have, if I'd at least been able to do with this holiday what I wanted, but I haven't even been allowed to do that. I've spent it resentfully doing things for people that I didn't want to do but did anyway because I can't say no and because... well... I love them. Even if I don't exactly like them very much right now. I'm heartbroken and frustrated right now.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

it's that thing

adam's playing this new song he wrote, and i've been feeling nostalgic for days and suddenly i kind of feel like crying. not necessarily a sad cry. just a times-now-gone cry. i tend to miss people years or even decades after they've gone from my life. even the darkest times had bright moments. and i somehow miss them all. the lovely, the mediocre, the tragic. i mourn things that no longer exist, even when their passing was good and natural.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Ben Gibbard, please write another song about my life. I need to know how this mess ends!

So, a little update on my life:
1. I am working between 30 and 40 hours a week and going to school 20+ hours a week. Yeah. Really. I'm at my school working and going to class for 12 hours a day, Tuesday through Thursday. It's insanity!
2. I officially qualify as obsessed with cosmetics. I'll spare you the details, but the summary is: Lush, Sephora, and the M.A.C. Pro Store plus waaay too much money.
3. I'm doing a photo shoot this Saturday that I'm starting to get a bit stressed out about. I'm doing makeup and it's for a website called Shabby Apple. If anyone runs into me in the next few days and I seem out of sorts, blame it on that and some lady things for which I am cursing my insurance company vehemently.
4. Adam and I have decided to get a cat. I am freaking excited. I love animals and sadly Elisa and her doggie are moving out this winter, leaving Adam and I pet-less. So we've decided to get a kitten. I'm not going to lie, about 90% of our decision was based on this video: The Cutest Video of All Time (It really does live up to it's name). Adam has expressed wanting a long haired cat, I think I want short haired. I definitely want it to be gray or white or a mix of both though. So the kitten search will commence as soon as my Christmas break starts and I have more time at home for things other than sleep.
5. On the topic of roommates, Jenee and Dane are moving in downstairs come January and I couldn't be more pleased! I love those crazy kids. And they're talking about possibly getting a pug so kitty (whom I want to name Basket, by the way, which Adam disapproves of) will have a friend. And hopefully they will get along. Friends, not frenemies.
6. I'm really going to miss Elisa.
7. School is really not going fast enough. I'm at 600 hours out of 2000. Night school takes soooo much longer than day school!

That's it for now really. Life is hectic and free time is limited these days but overall I'm enjoying myself and thoroughly appreciative of the people I do see in the moments between darting here and there.