it's that thing

adam's playing this new song he wrote, and i've been feeling nostalgic for days and suddenly i kind of feel like crying. not necessarily a sad cry. just a times-now-gone cry. i tend to miss people years or even decades after they've gone from my life. even the darkest times had bright moments. and i somehow miss them all. the lovely, the mediocre, the tragic. i mourn things that no longer exist, even when their passing was good and natural.

There's a blue ribbon at the end of the line

I had this whole rant about WalMart typed out, but realized that's not at all what I care about or even want to talk about.

Tonight I went to my Dad's to celebrate my sister's 5th birthday. For one thing, this makes me feel a little old. But the thing that really caught me off guard was that I fully remember my 5th birthday and it was probably one of my favorites. It was right before my dad remarried Kina, but she and I had already spent time together. In fact before my birthday, I spent the night at her apartment in Seattle and we stayed up late into the night giggling about everything. It was kind of a magical night for me.

Anyway, my 5th birthday. I was with my dad at my grandma's and we were getting in the car. My dad and grandma made me dress up so I was gruuuumpy (I was not a girly girl when I was little). He told me we were going to my mom's to pick up some extra church clothes for the next day. When we got there, I threw a fit and did not want to get out of the car. I'm not even really sure why. But he finally persuaded me, and as we walked in the door, my whole family was there and there were streamers and a banner that said "Happy Birthday" and everyone yelled "SURPRISE!" And I'm pretty sure I tried to keep the scowl on my face but couldn't help it and ended up in a big grin. It was lovely.

And now I'm 21 and my sister is that same age I was, and it's odd to think back and look at all the things that have happened in between. The people I've known, the experiences I've had, the places I've been, the things I've seen. It's very strange indeed. We only have one life don't we? There's no "second childhood" or redo's for all the mistakes we make in our teens and twenties. We're here. We're now. In ways it's sad, but in other ways it's kind of brilliant.

I want to dream in 50,000 colors when I'm dead

I have been waxing nostalgic about the most random things tonight! I started thinking about them as I cut my bangs and then I just started recalling one odd item after another. In conjunction with listening to Snakes Say Hisss! it managed to get me out of my annoyed mood and into one that's a bit silly. So here are some of the things I thought about:

This would be the fire hydrant plant holder I got for my 16th birthday. I walked into English and there it was, sitting on my desk. Thank you Danual. I still love it.

Also around one of my birthdays, last March I was in Utah visiting Katy and we stopped by the Moore's house in Salt Lake one night. And on the wall was a poster I think John-Ross had put up. It was a cheap copy of Vincent VanGogh's Starry Night, and on it in big white letters were the words "I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ART." And it so absolutely summed up my feelings on that painting and the people who claim it as their "favorite painting ever" that I just had to laugh.

I remembered also a video game I used to play on the computer. It was called The Neverhood. And I guess it has a bit of a cult following nowadays. It was all done with claymation. The game was a bit like Myst but sooo much quirkier and better. And the music in it was amazing.

Does anyone remember the movie Grandpa's Magical Toy Shop? or King Cole's Party? or perhaps Wee Sing Together (also known as Sally's Birthday Party)? These were all the Wee Sing movies my grandma used to have us watch. They were all so.... tacky haha. It was like Barney, but trippier. And more annoying. But we watched them all time. Those were good times. Especially Grandpa's Magical Toy Shop, with Punchanello.

And one that's a lot more recent: I was talking about mushrooms to Brandon and the fact that I've really only tried the common mushrooms you can get at a grocery store. And he piped up with "Oh you mean the Agaricus Bisporus?" And I just started laughing so hard. Probably one of the things I love the most about Brandon is that he knows the Latin names for a ton of different mushrooms. And he's been to fungus fairs. I love it. Oh my gosh, I love it!

Life is all about enjoying the little things. And boy do I. There are so many small moments in life that are hilarious and random and I just love every one of them.