Ordinary Super Powers

At night, when I can't sleep because my thoughts are wandering, I focus on really specific things in order to quiet my mind. I'm sure that's common enough among people, but let me tell you the real part: The things I focus on? Super powers. What super powers I'd have, what caveats would come with them, and how I'd use them to change my life. Now, I'm not talking about flying or being invisible. I'm talking about "realistic" super powers..... whatever that means.

Like, I guess generally they're really useful super powers but just for me and my immediate surroundings. Lately, for instance, I fall asleep thinking about having the ability to move anything, no matter how microscopic, from one place to another with a snap of my fingers, and the power to change the color or pattern of absolutely anything already existing. My limits: I have to be able to see or very explicitly envision the from and to locations of the things I'm moving, and in the case of colors, the thing has to already have a color to it. I mean, I can't make air turn purple, but I can change the color of the carpet or a tshirt or a wall. And in both cases, I can't create and delete anything. I can only change/move them.

These would come in extremely handy in the case of our house. See, I'd move all the dog pee and dust and dirt and ick molecules from the floor/couch/walls/sink etc into the toilet, then flush it. And I'd hang up all our clothes and put away all our stuff exactly where it belonged. And THEN! because our carpet would be at least clean (though still missing small chunks because I can't CREATE molecules, only move existing ones... although maybe I could patch it with my moving powers... hmm... something to think about tonight...) I could change the color of it, the walls, our couches and everything else to create a comfortable, asthetically pleasing, paradise of a home. I could even do things like buy a nice frame with a crummy picture in it from DI and then snap and voila! masterpiece on our wall!

I feel these two, simple, unassuming super powers would make my life so much easier. And see, they'd be small and insignificant enough that theoretically speaking, I'd never be hauled in by the CIA to see how they could use me to control the world. I'd just get to live my life almost the same way I am now, but it would be cleaner and cuter! Who could ask for more?

Next time: When super powers just aren't enough; planning out my 3 wishes in such detail that there would be absolutely no negative loopholes (a la The Monkey's Paw).

Man Beheads Hitler.... waxwork......

I woke up WAY too early this morning (6:39 to be exact) and got to work at 7:05. Yes I DID get ready in 10 minutes, thank you very much. It's been... slightly redonkulous (I use that non-word regularly these days. I don't know why). One guy didn't show up this morning. Cool. I had the pleasure of rescheduling all his appointments for Monday. We still haven't heard from him. He might be dead in a ditch somewhere for all we know. Awesome.

Every time the phone rings I'm terrified it's going to be Duct Tape Guy. He's schizophrenic and calls about 6 times a week on different lines to ask if we can get Duct Tape out of his carpet. When questioned on how it got there, his answers range from "I don't know" to "someone put it there" to "some people that I don't know came in and put it there... I don't know why." Apparently it's everywhere, and you can't pull on it or get it off the carpet, even when using knives.... Each time he calls it goes back and forth between "But can you get it out? But how much will it cost? But... can you get it out? Well, how much is it going to cost? Hmm... could you get it out though?"

I had a dream a few weeks ago that he was stalking me -- standing outside my doors and windows just waiting for someone in my family to come out so he could get it. When he called the other day, I answered and had to make someone else talk to him because I was so creeped out. My mom spoke to him on Wednesday and he asked if someone could call him Saturday morning to set up an appointment. She promised someone would. Guess who that someone is....

But I am NOT calling. Our tech manager is supposed to, except he's not here. So in the mean time I'm stuck praying every phone call that comes in will be a legit customer or sales call. Anyone but duct tape guy!

Luckily it's been pretty quiet/boring in here this morning (less moments of deep fear struck to the center of my heart as that little red plastic button lights up and the ringing begins). I've been reading random CNN articles and found these gems:

Man Beheads Hitler Waxwork - I'm pretty sure Hitler felt that one! This world is definitely a safer place now.
Faked Tiger Photo Sparks Web Furor - Who knew a poster of a tiger cut out and placed in some bushes could cause such controversy and get so many government officials fired?
$32,000 for Queen Mother's 'Pack the Gin' letter - Hey, the Queen Mother obviously knew how to plan an outing.
University given collection of 78 rpm records - Syracuse Univeristy got 50 tons of old 78s! Effing awesome! I want to venture there just to check out their sound lab, it's second only to the Library of Congress!

So that's my boring day so far. I don't feel like being productive per se, so I'm blogging/reading/dreading duct tape guy instead. I'm seeing Tilly and the Wall tonight, which I'm pretty excited about. And I may see Maria Taylor tomorrow night at Tractor Tavern. We'll see how it goes.

Cheese lovers: I finally tried Brie. And the consensus is..... I LOVE IT! This is literally the first time I have ever said that about a cheese. It was sooo much better than that hammy smoked gouda I tried. I like soft cheeses. I think next on my list is this Stilton I saw that had cranberries in it. It looked pretty delish. I might be coming over to your side. I can't say for sure, but if it gets better from here, then you've definitely won me over. Good lord. I will now have to inform people I'm not only a bottled water connoisseur and a picky vegetarian, but a cheese lover as well. I'm becoming the ultimate food snob.

This is getting lengthy, but I've got another 3 hours here, so Imma keep going (not for 3 hours, just... until I feel done haha).

Last night. 4th of July. I kind of hate big holidays like this because I can't really leave the house unless I want to deal with insane parking lots, crowded stores and bad traffic. So I stayed home and tried to read and ended up sleeping half the day.... crapola.... the phone... duct tape guy? Ah, no. A nice lady in Lacey instead.

Anyway, I got a bit cabin feverish by the end of the day and ended up sorting through my entire book shelf. I came up with a pretty big stack of books to sell. And I've got a stack of books to read and then sell. And a stack I've already read and want to keep. And many stacks of which I haven't read and thus don't know if I will keep. After that, the fireworks began.

Now, living on the lake, we get a pretty awesome show every year. We're practically surrounded by big fireworks. The guy a few houses down even hires a professional to do a half hour show around 10 and our entire cove stops their fireworks to watch. Except us. Because our show freaking rocked. My brother and cousins bought 200 mortars, screwed all the tubes to two boards, and while someone was prepping the right side, someone else was lighting the left, so the fireworks were almost continuous. It was the best show they've put on yet.

And afterward came the annual sparkler bomb. This year was supposedly the biggest they've done to date. It was 6 bricks duct taped (no, not duct tape guy) together, with one sparkler sticking out on the top. The boys had a tough go convincing my parents to let them do it, but eventually they gave in, so long as it was far enough away that no shrapnel would hit surrounding neighbors/boats. They floated it out about 80 ft from our dock and my cousin Devin lit it, then my brother pulled him back with a rope as fast as he could. A few seconds later came the house rattling BOOM and a title wave and pieces of Styrofoam everywhere. It was great! (if not eco-friendly).

So that's that. I think I'm done now haha. I've run out of things to ramble about and bore you with, so I guess this will have to do. I hope everyone had a safer 4th than the people across the lake who had an ambulance at their house for 45 minutes last night. Enjoy this (rainy in Washington) day!

UPDATE: DTG just called. Agh! I only talked to him for a second though and then made one of the technicians here talk to him (since I am not good at being mean/firm hah). But guess what he said? Instead of the usual, Marty grabbed the phone and duct tape guy said "I got it all up!" He called two more times, but realized he was calling the same place and said so, then hung up. Maybe this is the end of duct tape guy's phone calls! I hope so! Yaaaay!

P.S. I am so sorry this is so outrageously long hahaha

Hansel and Gretel meet Soylent Green

I had the weirdest dream last night. It was almost exactly like Hansel and Gretel. Which is weird because I haven't exactly thought about that story in... years?

Anyway, I was wandering through the forest with someone else and we were lost. We came upon a clearing that had very green grass and tall pine trees surrounding it. In the center was a rather large sized, restaurant looking building made entirely out of very bright colored candy. And next to the building were tables, also made out of candy, with strange looking adults sitting at them. The people had oddly large, vacant eyes and they were eating hamburgers. And we knew instinctively that the hamburgers were made from ground up humans.

Somehow we ended up inside the building with a large group of other young people. There were two counselor type people at the front of the candy constructed room with clip boards. Our large group was doing something like calisthenics and the counselors were making sure we were doing everything right. We knew that if we did something wrong, our names would be taken to the big wigs upstairs, and we'd be next in line at the grinding machine, to be made into hamburgers. Needless to say I and my partner pushed the limits of the rules, but despite warnings, our names were never actually taken down and we realized none of us had ever actually seen someone made into hamburger. But we were still afraid. And the food they gave us to eat we knew for sure was made out of humans.

More happened, but that's all I can remember clearly.

How morbid though, eh? Nazi-type cannibalism within Hansel and Gretel. Very strange indeed.

The Age of Innocence is sadly at work, so instead I started Mrs. Dalloway tonight and will have to continue the other on Monday. But I'm enjoying Mrs. Dalloway so far. More than I did the last time I tried to read it actually. I think before I didn't have the focus for it, and Woolf's sentences are so long and complicated at times that between the beginning and end of one, I'd completely forgotten the original topic. This time though I like the sense of fluidity in it. The connectedness and yet the aloneness and the way everyone shares experiences and yet sees them separately, all at the same time. A teacher once said it's almost like it's happening in real-time.

I finished Crimson Skies today, haha. It's not very long. Well, that and I started it half way through because I picked up where I'd left off the last time I played it. This is maybe the second time I have ever finished a video game. Well other than Super Mario Bros maybe. But yeah. Kind of silly.

Also did some crocheting. I'm up to 6.5 plus another half I started and then my mom finished. I figured out today if I do double crochet stitches instead of just single, it actually goes way faster, so I'm going to try doing that from now on.

And in election news, Obama took Washington. Yay! The gap is closing and I have high hopes for him taking Clinton out. That would be good news.

I officially have less than a week until I am in California now. Poor B is sick as a dog this week. I really hope he feels better soon. I guess it's going around down there. No fun.

Well, that's my update. Off to bed. And I hope the human hamburgers are no where in the vicinity of tonight's dreams.

I think the weirdness is back...

Watch this show. (You can stream each episode from both seasons). I promise, you won't be disappointed. Especially if you've ever been to a high school. Not even necessarily your own high school. Just any high school. The characters are hilarious. In each episode a new "weird" factor hits the town. Such as all the people on public service signs coming to life, or anyone who has a cold aging between 15-50 years every time they cough or sneeze. My favorite episodes are probably Clones, Bubbleheads and Remotes. I have been laughing for hours.

I bought Brandon's birthday present today. I'm mildly obsessed with this website called Threadless. People submit their graphic art to be made into tshirts and members of the website vote on the new designs. If enough people like it, it gets made into a tshirt and sold on Threadless.com. This is the one I bought Brandon. It's called "I'm Sure I Used To fit." I love that they've got the jaws of life out haha

The past few nights Brandon and I have been discussing lucid dreaming. I'm going to try for the next few nights to make myself lucid dream. I'm really hoping to revisit England or Australia. We watched this movie not too long ago called Waking Life. It's all in rotoscope, which is really cool if you've ever seen good rotoscope animation. I learned a lot about lucid dreaming from that movie. It was really interesting. I definitely recommend it.

So to track my crocheting progress, I am happy to note that I figured out what I was doing wrong on my square, which was shrinking in width as it got longer. My mom couldn't remember how to do the ends of each row (such as how many chains each type of stitch needs at the beginning of the next row). But I have got it all down now thanks to a helpful book, and I will be knocking out scads of crocheted squares for Warm Up America in no time at all!

Lastly, my Central Coast Cali, here I come! (Please don't rain on me) countdown is officially at 18 days. Yay! One less than yesterday!