Odds and Ends

I check the Provo Craigslist Missed Connections every week or so on the off chance someone has written something about me.

My favorite albums of 2008 were For Emma, Forever Ago (Bon Iver); Lust, Lust, Lust (The Raveonettes); Starfucker (Starfucker); Some Are Lakes (Land of Talk); Oracular Spectacular (MGMT); and Devotion (Beach House).

I'm not living up to my potential.

I secretly enjoyed Happy Sumo more than I should have. It's not even real sushi. It's (delicious) overpriced Americanized fish, seaweed and rice.

I found this website fascinating and very helpful in my new quest to overcome depression and anxiety.

I love Toby even though he's a jerkface.

That is all.

After Christmas

Well, Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus everyone. It's late, I know, but I've been busy/tired.

How the kings and queens celebrated a full 12 days of Christmas, I will never know. We celebrated for roughly 5 days. By the 4th, fatigue had set in. Each of us took a 4-6 hour nap Saturday and fell asleep relatively early... wait... no... 3am doesn't count as early does it? Well... we slept anyway. And today just the idea of working makes my eyes close on their own.

But I have to say, tiring or no, this Christmas season was better than I expected. I'd never spent a Christmas away from my family before - and admittedly I was a little teary eyed and homesick Christmas morning - but all in all I feel like Christmas was full of cheer and joy and livers now a little worse for wear. This nerdy group I call my friends has grown on me quite a bit over the course of the past three months. I love them like family. Playing Wii with the Moores was like being around my own siblings, with the added bonus of cussing. And Ray and Nicole took care of those of us who are vegetarians. The veggie sausage was delicious. Ray's stories were very good. I'll treasure that piece of paper for a long time yet. Cade STILL needs to come play Clue with us so we can open that Scotch, but I'm just glad he came and liked his ship in a bottle kit. This holiday was truly a success. I seriously wish Olivia could have been there, but at least she'll be home soon!

My Christmas gifts this year were spot on. My favorite gift from John-Ross was definitely the Michael Jackson music videos. Klaus Kinsky the gold fish is pretty awesome too though, I must say. My dad's family sent me TimTams and some other junk food (they know me too well). I'm still waiting for our fussy mailman to bring the package my mom sent.

I'm excited for New Years' Eve. We're going to two dance parties I think. Mainly I'm excited for 2008 to be over already. It's been a seriously tumultuous year. Far from what I expected. Hopefully 2009 will be better. Or a little calmer at least.

Sometimes, you just make me soooo happy.

I really want to make a post about all the friends I love and am thankful for lately. There are more than this, but I want to mention these people specifically just for being there and chatting with me and being so all around lovely, particularly this past week. In case they weren't sure. In no particular order, they are:

Celia
John-Ross
Elisa
Amalia
Ray
Ryan
Olivia
Bob
Ben
Dane
Andrew
Avery
Toby*
Sego*



*I know, they're dogs. But I love them just the same. They're so nice to me when I'm sad haha. I'm really glad we have them.

That's all. Just a who I'm thankful for list.

some ranting, some raving

I haven't been updating this as much lately. I was talking to Elisa the other day and I admitted I've stopped writing in here because it stopped being mine a while ago. The fear of who was reading it, the idea of writing to and for other people frightened me and so I began to feel myself unworthy of writing in my own meager little blog.

So, if you don't like it, bugger off. I'm going to try to write more anyway. Because honestly, I need it. I bottle too much up when I don't write regularly.

I'm feeling pretty weird tonight. I think it's stemming from a few things:

1) I hate my job. A lot. So much so that I've started a work day count down until I can go back to school. 98 days left. When I do go back to school, I'm going to have to find a part time job somewhere else, and I'm ok with that. I want to be able to afford school though, so I've got to save up as much money as possible. I've decided to start donating plasma twice a week. It's good money and I'll be helping people (who work for the big bad pharmaceutical companies... but still). I hate needles, so I'm really hoping I can go through with this. It'll pay rent each month if I can.

2) Our house is a mess and it's driving me crazy. I'm not always the neatest person. My family knows this. I can be messy as all get out. But I'm also a germ-o-phobe. This may sound weird, but let me explain. There's a difference between my germs and other people's germs (to me obviously. I don't mean that in a neurotic, "my germs are better than your germs" kind of way). There's a difference between living in my "mess" which is more an assortment of piles that I've strategically placed and know the contents of in depth; and living in someone else's mess, unable to find my other shoe or that tank top I just got last week or the hat I took the tag off this morning. And our carpets are disgusting.

I've called a cleaning company to have them come help us clean deep since none of us seem to know how to really scrub a shower or a kitchen floor or a toilet. And I've called a Chem Dry down here to come clean our carpets right after Christmas. I'm hoping this will make me feel better about where I live. Because as is, it's stressing me out so much that I can barely think about anything else when I'm home, but it's so overwhelming I can't seem to start on it in any direction.

3) I just want to learn to sew but the mess we have everywhere and the fact that I can't bring myself to do anything at home but obsess over how messy it is or watch movies or sleep means I haven't been focusing on it like I'd like to be. I want to get my skills up to at least intermediate so that I can take the intermediate and advanced classes as BYU this Spring and Summer, but if we don't get this place under control and my desk cleaned off and my little craft area set up, I'm not going to be able to get it done. I've started sewing lessons but the past two weeks just haven't worked out and I'm starting to get frustrated with it.

4) I'm not spending nearly enough time reading or finding new music. Two things I love and used to do regularly but these days just don't seem to make time for. It's driving me nuts. Every time I scroll through my Ipod I get annoyed.

So, those are the things bothering me in order of importance. The job thing is 98 work days away from being solved. The clean thing is hopefully 21 regular days away from being solved, or at least taken care of for a little while. The sewing thing will hopefully work itself out once the messiness does. And I'll just have to take more time for reading and music surfing now and then.

Ok.

Problems identified, plans made.

In good news: I like John-Ross. I like my friends. I love my roommates. Elisa's almost convinced me to join 24 hour fitness because they have a pool that's open 24 hours a day (!!!). I love weekends. I love discussing projects with Olivia - we're going to have a booth at a hip craft fair in the spring. I'm off of accutane and glad for it! (just a few more months and I can start getting my eyebrows waxed again. yessssss). I'm nearly done with my year of depression meds then I can go back to being an N instead of an S. Or maybe my full S will come out, who knows. Crappily great and greatly crappy 2008 is nearly finished. And Christmas is almost here!

All very good things.

That's life for now I guess. A little yin, a little yang.

Happy Tofurky Day!

Today marked my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. If I'd been with a lot of meat eaters, I may have been a little nervous, but being with my two other vegetarian roommates and Celia who only eats poultry anyway, it was the easiest vegetarian feast I've ever enjoyed!

Between the four of us we made food for roughly 86 people. We had green bean casserole, broccoli and cheese casserole, buttered asparagus, apple and cranberry dumplings, yams with marshmallows, vegetarian stuffing, mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy, poppy seed rolls, regular rolls, cranberries, and pomegranate flavored Sprite. We forgot to thaw the Tofurky so actually we'll be eating that either tonight or tomorrow. But seriously, I think we're going to end up eating all this for about three weeks. And we haven't even started on the pies. We've got like four pumpkin pies, a berry pie, an apple pie, some apple strudel, and pumpkin muffins. SO MUCH FOOD.

And here's the thing, I've got two more Thanksgivings to attend. One tonight at Ryan's (I'm bringing mashed potatoes and one of my homemade pumpkin pies) and one tomorrow with John-Ross's grandparents. Intense!

Tonight, at 1am, I'm going to Mode with the roommies for the 30% off sale. Then to Coal Umbrella for 35% off of everything there as well.

And tomorrow it will be time to get a Christmas tree. I'm staying in Utah for Christmas since I'm a grown up now with a real job and not much vacation time. I can't believe its so close. I've got my Christmas presents for everyone all picked out already. I will not be taken by surprise this year like I was last year. No way, Monet!

Well, it's about time to start warming the potatoes and gravy for Ryan's. I'm really excited for this installment of Big Kids Thanksgiving. I love my friends. And get together at Ryan and Cade's are always fun. Plus, Ryan's quite the cook from what I understand. Although I won't actually be able to eat the turkey... I'll probably bring some Tofurky along for the ride.

Other than a few snags, today has been and will continue to be a pretty good holiday. My roommates are like my family. I love them. They're what I'm thankful for the most today.

Parties, People and Precipitation

Its raining. And the drops against the window are music to my ears. Living in Western Washington for 20+ years has bred in me a love for dark, dreary, clothes soaking precipitation. Its when I feel most at peace.

This weekend has, by far, been one of my best. Friday night was Christmas in October. I was Daria and JR was Trent. Favorite costume of the night was Ray's. Who dressed up as a gay Jewish DJ. He pulled it off fantastically. His crocheted ringlets were probably my favorite part. And might I add that Ryan's home made cider was some of the best I've had.

Last night was the Toga Party. I found a way to tie my toga that meant I really could go without having to wear a tshirt or shorts underneath. And it stayed tied all night, no slippage or loosening. Those Greeks really knew how to party. I tell you what. The music selection made me wish Joey or his friend could be my personal DJ's all day every day. The mix consisted of dance hits from the 60's and 70's. I, of course, boogied the night away along with everyone else. And afterwards the crew watched 300 at Ryan's.

Seriously. From beginning to end, I thoroughly enjoyed this weekend. I don't think it could have been any better. And I can't get over how much I like the new friends I've made in the past month. Utah, I may not always call you my favorite, but you've done great things for me. Thank you. Sincerely. Thank you.

XP on an MB

Why would anyone - EVER - willfully run Windows on a Macbook? This is ridiculous. All the perks of having a Mac have been made null and void. Nothing works. I CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO RIGHT CLICK.

Work, I love you sometimes. I'm glad you've made it possible for me to work from home (or Washington State) by providing me with this practically vintage Macbook, but just run Tiger or Leopard already would you? Life will be made so much easier with the myriad shortcuts, working volume buttons and compatibility between the business and graphic design departments. It'll all be worth it in the end, love. I promise. Just do it already. MAKE MY LIFE EASIER.

another death in 2008

My mom's mom, my grandma, passed away tonight.

It's been a tough go. I have mixed feelings. She's the grandma I feel the most like. We have similar personalities, similar struggles in life, similar interests. But I haven't been on the best terms with her the past year - or even few years.

There's so much to say about it, but I don't know what's appropriate, what I should air. And grief makes me tired. As do all negative emotions these days.

I loved my Grandma Anderson. I hope she's at peace now and that she's found what she was looking for at long last.

That is all really. That is all.

#100

I have found that living in a place I like living and being with people I like being with means I spend much less time wishing I were elsewhere and pretending to be there by perusing the internet. What I'm getting at, is that I finally have time to read. I spend my real world time in the place I used to try to reach with my internet time, which means I spend my internet time reading books I like.

Current: The Savage Detectives by Roberto Belano
Next: Darkmans by Nicola Barker
Follow Up: Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon

I feel like I'm finally returning to homeostasis.

Quick Update!

1) I moved to Utah almost two weeks ago now
2) Provo is wonderful
3) Sego rocked my socks, particularly Pierrot Le Fou, The Eden Express and Return to Sender.
4) I love my roommates (two of whom are also vegetarian)
5) I love our two dogs Toby (a Dachshund) and Sego (a cute little German Shepherd-Pincer mix)
6) My friends are fantastic and take good care of me
7) Both Sigur Ros and Why? put on amazing shows. Why? is particularly fun to dance to
8) I finally got a job and it pays $15/hr and is at least full time, if not more. Imma be rollin' in't!
9) MY LOFT BED IS FREAKING AWESOME!
10) I need a new phone (I'm thinking about a Blackberry once I get some paychecks coming in)
11) I do miss some peeps from home
12) But I've met some really wonderful people since moving back
13) I'm happy here. Things aren't perfect, but that's life. And I'm ok with it. I'm where I'm supposed to be. And things are looking up, though admittedly I've got to get this anxiety of mine under control.
14) I'm an ISFP. Look it up. It'll probably explain oodles and oodles about me.

And with that, I love you, I'm sorry I never update. Be well my lovely friends.