I really should be sleeping

I have work early in the morning. But upon my last email check of the day, I discovered a comment on a rather... well... infamous blog post of mine... that my "articles" are getting much better than they used to be. I'm not sure that's true, but I went back to check anyway. And I realized I've had this little blog for two years now. That's much longer than I'd expected. It's been a great little place to air my feelings and share the things I like or love.

I'm still not sure that my posts are getting better, but I'll tell you the main difference I see: I'm actually a real person these days. I'm not trying to be anyone, I'm just me and I'm happy with that. For once. I've come to terms with many of my imperfections, and this past year especially has forced me to face a lot of my own insecurities and weaknesses. I've grown very much since Snappy Little Alligator started.

I had a thought while falling asleep last night. It was this: there aren't very many grown ups in the world, are there? There are a lot of adults who pretend their age matters and that gives them certain rights, but really, those adults are probably more childish* than most. And some think they're so grown up because they've got degrees or some kind of high paying job. But what a grown up really is... well... what I think a grown up really is... is a humble, kind, forgiving person, who has experienced the world in all of its glory and darkness, and can not only face their own follies, but tries with all their might to correct whatever foibles they may have. These grown ups do not make excuses, they do not expect others to do for them what they can do for themselves, they do not waste what precious time they have on things that simply do not matter.

More than anything, I'd like to become one of these people. Not necessarily because it's better, in fact it seems more wearying really. But because now that I've seen the difference between the grown ups and the children, I don't see how I could ever again be ok with acting like a child. The times when I slip back into child mode, I come out of it realizing what a mistake I've made. It's too glaring now for me to go back to the way it used to be.

* I want to note that when I say childish, I do not mean childlike, which in general is a positive term. In this case, child and childish are rather pejorative terms, sadly. I mean that those who are most childish act like spoiled brats who should get everything their way. Few are that bad, but from what I've noticed, most humans are on a sliding scale of childishness, with very very few achieving adulthood. The problem is mostly that no one is aware nor willing to consider their own childishness; they only want to point out some one else's imperfection.